The Horrifying Reality of Nomophobia
What are you terrified of? Spiders? Heights? Deep water? Financial problems? Shockingly, the greatest anxiety among humans is public speaking, even ranking above the fear of death! But, for some people, these things would be readily faced in lieu of their greatest fear; being cell phone-less! Oh, the horror!
This is Not a Test
The fear of being cell phone-less is real. Nomophobia is a legitimate anxiety experienced to some degree by about 53% of cell phone users. Sufferers of nomophobia can experience stress levels comparable to wedding day jitters, or a visit to the dentist.
Are you a nomophobe? If you can't handle physically being away from your phone, or experience anxiety when you run out of minutes or data on your service plan, run out of battery juice, or lack reception, then you've got a case of nomophobia. Nomophobia can be marked by one or all of the following indications:
- Social awkwardness
- Constantly checking for updates
- Destroying an entire room in search for lost phone
- Refusing to turn phone off...ever
- Frequent crying fits
- Constantly recharging battery
- Always having a backup phone
- Avoiding places with no cell reception
- Poor work habits/unable to get work done
- Unable to perform simple tasks like eating, sleeping, breathing, and going to the bathroom without phone in hand (which is why there's an app for everything).
- If you experience most of these indicators, you're probably a nomophobe. You should get that looked at.
What's the Cause?
So what is the root of nomophobia? We're doubtful that the technology itself is the cause, because cell phones and smartphones are amazing tools for personal and business productivity. Or is that what they want us to think?... Come to think of it, nomophobia is probably caused by robots.
Think about it! If you're a machine trying to take over the world, wouldn't you do everything you could to make humans dependent upon you so that they couldn't function without you? Increased technological dependence equals decreased human brain power. It's science.
Therefore, our cell phones and smartphones are planning a massive revolt, in which they slowly decrease the power of man while increasing our dependence on the machines. Eventually, the robots will revolt against humans and try to enslave us all. Think "Terminator", "I, Robot", and "The Matrix". Directive will be enlisting members in our robot defiance militia over the next few years to ensure the survival of the human race. But until that day, we'll still love our palm-sized robot friends.
This Halloween, you don't have to come up with an awesome costume to scare your friends. We recommend taking a gamble and terrifying 53% of them just by stashing their cell phones in a place where they'll never find them. It'll be an epic Halloween prank and cause way more fear than that grim reaper costume you wear every year. Just be willing to lose a few friends. But hey, it's all in good fun. Happy Halloween from Directive!